My Sex Positive Story: Coffee & Kink

In this instalment of our sex positive journey series we hear from Amy Norton, creator and blogger at Coffee & Kink.

Kinky sex with coffee and kink

Amy Norton is a sex blogger, digital sexuality journalist, erotica author, adult product reviewer, kink educator and community organiser. She is the creator of popular sex blog Coffee & Kink, and shares her sex positive journey here.

How do you identify?

I’m a cisgender woman (she/her pronouns) and I’m bisexual/pansexual/queer (I use the three terms mostly interchangeably.) I’m also polyamorous, a progressive swinger (this definition), a kinky submissive, a survivor, and a feminist.

Tell me about what you do.

I blog at Coffee & Kink. I write about sex, relationships, and BDSM from a feminist, consent-focused point of view. I cover a pretty wide range of topics on the blog including how-to kink advice, sex toy reviews, and essays about healing from abuse. I also write about sex and adjacent topics for various other publications. I’m a monthly contributor to Jack & Jill Adult Magazine, and my other bylines include Sex Tech Guide, Hot Octopuss, Godemiche, Lovehoney’s Headboard, and Kink Academy.

Have you always been this comfortable talking about sexuality, or has that evolved for you? What has that evolution been like?

I was pretty prudish until my late teens/early 20s. The shift started around the time that I came out as bisexual. I had a lot of internalised biphobia/homophobia and coming out as a protracted and painful process that took me about two years in all. I also started exploring consensual non monogamy and BDSM with my partner at the time, and it all sort of expanded from there.

I can pinpoint the biggest shift: it came at a weekend event for bisexual people when I was 19, the first time I’d been around other bi people. I felt so accepted and so normal there.

It was a space where frank discussions of sexuality were normalised and consent was paramount. I was there for three days and from that point, everything shifted. I have never been the same. Since then, sexuality education and activism has been my calling.

What are you excited about at the moment? Tech? Funding? Change? Community?

I’ll be honest: it’s hard to get excited about much because *gestures vaguely at the entire world*. Sexuality wise, though, I’m excited to see how things look when the COVID times are over. Our communities have moved online, but it’s not the same. I want to go to sex parties and clubs and conferences again. I think we’ll all hold our communities a little bit closer and value our safe spaces a little bit more after all this, because we’ve seen what it’s like when we don’t have them. And it’s bleak.

Good Sex Awards

What does it mean to you to be sex positive?

My working definition is this: sex positivity is a commitment to the right of all consenting adults to have sex and explore relationships, or not, in whatever ways work for them, free from shame, stigma, or punishment.

What does the future sex positive utopian future look like to you?

I think there’s so much work still to do that it’s hard to imagine a utopia! However, I’d love to see a world in which sexual shame is a thing of the past. In which we could all talk openly about our desires and pursue them without fear. Most of all, I’d love to see a world in which consent and pleasure are at the heart of everything sex-related. (And honestly, a lot of things that AREN’T sex related. If consent and pleasure were our guiding lights more broadly, we could change the world.)

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