My Sex Positive Story: Lila Mina

Lila Mina writes paranormal romances that open your mind and your heart. This is her sex positive story.

Sex Positive15 minsSexual Musings
Lila Mina writes lesbian menage erotica

Author of the TEMPER series Lila Mina talked to The Good Bits about reacting to a conservative upbringing by embracing sex positivity through her writing.

TGB: Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

LM: I am a 40-something year old hailing from Europe, but I’ve been living in Japan since 2009 with my family. I am an entrepreneur and writing is one of my most important hobbies (although it does feel like a job now and then, especially when release day is coming up!).

TGB: When did you start writing your special brand of sex-positive paranormal romance and what has your journey been like as an author?

LM: Writing has always been important to me, as a kid, then as a teenager (fan fiction, creepy stories with an uncanny twist). I went on the sexy path in my twenties, but I’d write in French then, and mostly for myself. I started writing sexy stories in English in my late thirties after it became my main language of creative expression (reading and writing). My journey has been interesting. I was pumped by quick recognition on some free writing platforms like Wattpad or (gasp!) Literotica.

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The great feedback I got from readers all across the board – including cis-het men, but also LGBTQ folx – told me I was doing something right, so I decided to self-publish on Kindle. I’m no bestselling author because my stories are too much of that and maybe not enough of this, but writing for the market isn’t my motivation. But of course, writing is something that you need to work on, to perfect, to improve, and I am relieved to say that what I write today is better than back then at many levels.

TGB: How was your coming out moment in sharing with loved ones that your imagination is so incredibly sexy?

LM: Well, to be honest, not everyone knows about it, and that’s why I use a pen name. My husband and brother do, several of my friends, too, but it would be too much for others. It’s a bit sad because my parents would love to know that I write and publish, but we really see things differently.

Those who know find it exciting, a bit shocking for anyone who knows me outside the writing world, because these are two different universes for me.

TGB: Have you always been so comfortable taking about sex?

LM: No, clearly not! I’m from a very conservative family, things like that are taboo. It was an act of self-declared independence to embrace talking and writing about sex in a positive and inclusive way, where everyone gets to explore and live their desires.

TGB: What are your writing plans from here?

LM: I plan to release a 160k sequel to my Temper series (book 5 already!), and in 2021, start working on another paranormal/fantasy romance series. The universe will be the same but the main characters are different, although my ‘Fab Three’ as I  love to call them will make a cameo appearance now and then. I’d like to revise and publish a novella that has been sitting on my desk.

TGB: What are you hopeful about?

LM: I’d love to rework my first book, bring it to my current level. I’d be also happy to reach out to an audience willing to give a different story a try, that goes off the beaten tracks, with characters who are diverse, culturally different and with different life experiences.

TGB: Tell us about your vision of the sex positive utopia?

LM: Ah, that’s a tough one… I’d love to see people stop being judgemental about others and themselves when it comes to sex. ‘

It goes without saying that kinks or polyamory lifestyles are not for everyone, but I don’t understand the need for so many to police other people’s private lives.

Even when it comes to much more standard choices, like masturbation! We all seem to carry so much guilt that it blocks us from truly being in line with ourselves and those who share our lives. I’d love to see that go. Of course, most of this (self-) repression focuses on women and the need of society to control their bodies and desires.

The societal and cultural roots for this are almost universal, and it takes a lot of strength to live freely despite that. The fact that women over 25 are seen as ‘old’ and ‘unfuckable’ by so many—including mainstream media—is directly linked to this.

In ‘my’ utopia, we recognize that sex is as important as breathing or eating, and that if you wish to explore your desires in a consensual and ethical way, you should be free to do it regardless of age, ability, orientation, or identity.

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Consent is another keystone in ‘my’ utopia. I am sick and tired to see too many young people start their sex lives with bad porn movies as a reference, with girls thinking it’s cute when the guy forces them down, that anal sex on the first night is par for the course, etc. It takes years for anyone to get a sense of what they like and don’t, and not only we don’t give younger (men and women) people this chance to safely explore, but we add a cut-off date for women who honestly believe that nothing will ever happen again after 28.

There is a lot to address and tackle to achieve a sex-positive society, but we need first to empower women and LGBTQ folx, stop discriminating against sexual minorities and identities. I guess, we need to accept that sex isn’t only nice and good for cishet men!

Begging for more? You can buy Lila Mina’s latest book, Fated, here—or find out more about Lila Mina.